July 1, 2013
Today was the day. With a rested back, restless mind & READY heart, I entered the unit floor. My patients were kind, eager to fill me in on recent happenings of our little unit. Co-workers waved, saying they were glad to see me back & feeling better, but instantly provided updates of imminent needs.
I smiled, nodded – assured everyone I was OK, better & could handle all of it. But to be honest, it was overwhelming & I knew it would be. That’s why armored-up with a comfortable maxi-dress & Tall Iced Grande White Mocha to face the day.
I accomplished many “to-do’s,” but was advised to leave early (by a very stubborn Medical Director) so to not strain too soon. I understood her point & even appreciated the concern, but my desk was lost in paperwork, June notes not done & with this Type-A personality, it will drive this girl-writer / social-worker NUTS.
But, I left at 2:00pm because I’m a little scared of her. And I took Vickery Rd. home, pondering my continued issue with limitations.
My limitations are physical. I have a mind that never sleeps, a heart that never stops, but a body that cannot keep up… & this is the hardest part for me.
My head says “walk” – my right leg stops. My head says “stand” – my spine says, not without crutches. My heart says “stay” – my body says, you can’t.
This is the battle I face, the life I lead. But in the fight between mind, body & heart, I find Jesus. I find his truth & his strength… & not strength to keep walking, standing, or staying:
BUT A DEEPER STRENGTH TO ACCEPT MY DISABILITY & ACCEPT IT KNOWING THERE IS PURPOSE & MY ULTIMATE JOY AT STAKE.
So, I will stop. I will rest. I will accept.
And Jesus, Dr. Chamarthi & I are good with that.